Pegasus (RDM)

From Wiki Frakr

The battlestar Pegasus, aka "The Beast", was the coolest, most badass ship in the whole Battlestar Galactica series. In fact, it was also cooler than the old Galactica clone commanded by some guy who was in Airplane. At until some incompetent fat guy called "Apollo" had it get blown up. Great job.

History

The Beast was made some time before religious whackjob robots pwned the Colonials (who were busy doing stuff). At the time, it was domineered by Ad-mee-rahl Helena Cain, who turned into a lame ripoff of the most badass Star Trek villain, KHAAAAAAAAN. After finding some helpless people, she took all the nerds and jocks, leaving everyone else behind (mostly old people, women, and children), which was strange, since Cain was a lesbian and there were only two other women on the whole ship (besides Cain's former lover Gina, who was a crazy robot). This began Cain's apparent dark mirror period, which was followed by her blowing off her XO's head for not following a stupid plan. Sucks for him and every one who bitches about the show being "dark" and "gritty". However, this allowed the Beast to be considered the mirror Galactica, because the regular Galactica wasn't as hard core.

Eventually, Cain started thinking like Sarge and sent people on missions that usually ended in their death. Because Cain totally lost it, the Beast began following a bunch of ships and bumped into a really old museum piece. Cain tried to make Bill Adama get on his knees, but he wasn't having that, since he knew he couldn't put the mack on Cain. Eventually, the two nearly blew each other to bits over some crap no one cared about.

After a big game of chicken (that did not involve chicken), both sides made up, then beat the crap out of the ship with naked people on it. After a victory party with lots of booze, Cain went to her quarters and got shot by Gina. Payback really is a bitch.

Then Jack Fisk, Cain's current XO, took over before getting killed in Cain's old quarters by nameless thugs (who managed to survive the entire episode). Thus proving that security is apparently really lax on Pegasus. Then some schmuck named Barry Gardiner became commander and did a horrible job, requiring Adama send someone (barely) reliable. Then he died, while Lee "Apollo" Adama was fighting three space starfish. Amazingly, he did a good job and became commander. WTF does not do this event justice.

After a bunch of time (like a year), the Beast was empty because most of the crew went down to a cold shit hole. Then all hell broke lose when the crazy robots found them. Apollo, who was fat, convinced Adama, who had a mustache, to run away. Which they did, making them more pathetic than a certain military on a certain planet that is "mostly harmless".

After a few months of floating around in space, Apollo's incompetence shone as his people were totally unprepared to carry out his father's awesome plan. Eventually, Adama told Apollo to stay put with the totally useless people they were protecting. However, he eventually left all his cool fighters and went to help his dad, and managed to save him from getting killed by more starfish. The problem was that the Beast was taking all the heat, so Apollo and his foolhardy lackeys jumped ship in Raptors. The Beast decided to take a few bad guys with her, so she ran into one starfish and blew up, while part of her flightpod destroyed another one.

Trivia

• It is unknown whether Apollo had enough brains to offload all the useful stuff possible, but it can be said the Beast's death was an extraordinary effects sequence, now often used in music videos for the show.
• This is the second ship that RDM has destroyed on purpose. The first was the USS Enterprise D from Star Trek: Generations.
• It is said that Pegasus's intercom was playing Spiderbait's Black Betty as she flew into oblivion. Which is strange, since the song is totally inappropriate for such an event (and the fact that the song is from Earth, but nobody cared about that).

You're frakking with me, right?

• So they cashed out the more powerful, more advanced, better equipped battlestar? Well, I guess the show isn't called "Battlestar Pegasus".