Laura Roslin
From Wiki Frakr
Laura Roslin was a secretary under Colonial President Richard Adar before the Great Toasting of the Colonies. That is to say, Roslin not only worked for Adar as Secretary of Education, but apparently also worked a bit on Adar himself (thus the term "under" is doubly appropriate) as his extramarital squeezemate. (And yes, like Caprica-Six, we men would ALL hit that too if we had the means.)
Roslin is as devastatingly lovely as she is devastatingly ruthless in getting her way. She is the Kindergarten teacher from Hell.
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Something Bigger to Worry About
Roslin was nice enough to get a peaceful settlement to a teacher's labor dispute before Adar suggested she should quit. Apparently Adar's military acumen was determined to "nuke" a bunch of teachers, but his mojo failed him miserably when the Cylons decided to show him and the Twelve Colonies how the sun looks like (up close, at 10,000 degrees). Luckily, Roslin was off-planet at the time, giving battlestar Galaxitive a rousing "frak-off" for 52 years of service to become a new museum where thousands of kids would have been expected to leave their excess boogers, gum and sexual fluids throughout every corner of the ship.
Roslin was having her own crisis because she was too fearful to get a regular breast exam (hell, most guys would do it for her for free every day if she had just asked). Diagnosed with inoperable breast cancer, Roslin managed to take a few hours to Freak Out before hearing that the Twelve Colonies were being subjected to radiation treatments that, if she were there, would remove her cancer--with the nasty side effect of removing her and everything she knew bodily from the universe.
Roslin's ship received an automated message which, despite the somber, clear voice, was easily interpreted by Roslin and her entourage as "Oh, frak me, nobody's running the place!" After transmitting her personal ID, Roslin soon found herself with President Adar's job, becoming the new Scapegoat of the (Irradiated and Refugee) Twelve Colonies of Kobol. The pay wasn't even that good.
Roslin took the reins on her ship, Colonial One and began gathering what survivors around she could around Caprican space. To make it easy for the Cylons to kill a few more souls, she gathered a bunch of sublight ships in one place but failed to evacuate them to FTL-capable ships before the Cylon scouts found them. Oh, well. Win some, lose some.
Arriving at Ragnar Anchorage, Roslin began her association with Commander William Adama in a dick size contest. She lost, initially, but gained Adama's support when he realized that the Cylons, who ridiculously outnumbered them in a fight, would likely hand his own dick back to him in an offensive. Preferring that his dick stay attached to his body, Adama and Roslin's new Fleet escape the Cylon blockade at Ragnar, leaving the Twelve Cinders of Kobol behind.
Wait, I have more ways to piss Adama off
To say that Roslin and Adama didn't see eye to eye in their initial months of leadership is like saying that Al Qaeda disagrees just a bit with how the United States does its business.
Plagued by conflicts between when and how things should be done, militarily or through civilian channels, Roslin tended to do things by the axiom, "Ask forgiveness, if you feel like it, rather than permission." Never a person to do things conventionally, Roslin chose chamalla for treatment of her cancer. That's about as smart as smoking a big Fattie when you're diagnosed, and, for Roslin as well, it made her see some interesting things. When her chamalla-high led her to believe that she could truly find the path to Earth (something that Adama falsely claimed to everyone just to keep them occupied and not moping[1]), it wasn't a big surprise when no one except her trusted spiritual guide, Elosha, believed her.
Well, frak that, she thought. Roslin just knew that the Arrow of Apollo was needed to find Earth, and gods help anyone who stood in her way. She convinces Kara Thrace to steal the same Raider she acquired in a previous adventure to go back to Caprica to find the Arrow. Commander Adama was, well, pissed, and had Roslin arrested for playing soldier. In turn, the Fates decided two things: One, that Adama needed some rest in the form of two slugs to the chest, courtesy of Sharon Valerii. Second, that the exiled peoples of the Colonies needed more calamity, so Colonel Saul Tigh needed to lead (if that's the word to call it) the Fleet.
Roslin managed to get back to power after proving she was right about Kobol and the Tomb of Athena. In a startling plot twist, Adama and Roslin began to get along, mending the damage caused by Tigh over the months.
Raising Cain
The Fates eventually sent someone worse than Tigh to mess up the Fleet's journey. The good news was that the battlestar Pegasus arrived to supplement the tired Galaxtive crew. The bad news is Admiral Helena Cain, a woman so mean that you could make diamonds with her sphincter using a lump of coal and a couple of days. In addition to Pegasus, Cain brought news of a Cylon fleet in pursuit of the Fleet, and her New World Order where she would frak with things just because she felt like that.
Roslin, weakening from her cancer (duh) maintained her title as alpha-female, however, by suggesting to Adama that he offed that bitch before she killed them all. Adama was inclined to agree, but a Cylon spy that Cain's crew tortured and abused for months was happy to do Cain in.
With the Cylon fleet dispatched, Roslin presented Adama with admiral's bars and a promotion. Adama, in return, gave the lovely Lady of the Fleet a snogging she richly deserved. Sadly, her weakness from cancer prohibited any usage of Adama's dick (which Roslin had saved at Ragnar).
The Elections
After the big hugs between Adama and the pretty Lady, came the presidental elections, because some months before Cpt. Lee Adama promised a prisoner terrorist to do so. Roslin was ready to fight Dr. Baltar for the presidental chair (because that lame Mr. Nice Gaius first saved Roslin, and betrayed her after, instead of betraying her first, and he could have saved the mess about curing a cancer with Cylon blood). Because some idiot misguided Raptor pilots found a habitable ball of mud, Baltar could base his campaign on the pretty idea of habitating the Shithole.
So How's that Adminitration going?
Showing her love of all things cute and young, one of Roslin's first orders is to "start having babies". XO Tigh, showing how little he gets, asked if this was a direct order. Roslin also bans abortion when realizing it may b a good idea for the human race to begin restocking their ranks. This won her the crazy Gemenon vote in the election but not that of the future parents doomed to diaper duties in cramped quarters.
In a move to show her distaste of things not so cute and young, Roslin can be referred to as Laura "Air Lock" Roslin for her love of throwing Cylons out an air lock. This was first seen done to Leoben after he rubbed up against her. When two Brother Cavils were discovered, she ordered them thrown out as well. Whether she was laughing at them while eating bonbons is unknown.
- Unlike the contents of Adama's pants when Roslin is around, this page is a stub. Man up and fill this article (with more content, you perv).
