Gaius Baltar
From Wiki Frakr
Gaius Baltar (hereafter also known as The Fraktard) is a narcissistic SOB that sold out the Twelve Colonies of Kobol over a piece of ass.
However, as the aforementioned piece of ass was that of Caprica-Six, some viewers might care to cut the character some slack.
What's to worry about trading the lives of 50 billion inhabitants when you can boff the hottest robobabe in the known galaxy for as long as you kiss up to her "brothers" and "sisters" and their desire to vaporize the last of humanity?
That's right. We'd ALL hit that.
Contents |
The Beginning
It all started when Baltar was too busy fornicating to be a proper code monkey for the Colonial Fleet and their need to have the latest, greatest (read: Really buggy, half-ass software) for their ships (with a little extra cash on the side by selling it to some civilian ships). His latest conquest was a tall, hot blonde woman with a dazzling ability to code. This point should have alerted Baltar right off since programmers can never be LOL 133T HAX0RS and a hottie at the same time.
Nevertheless, Baltar continued his boloney-pony plunge for two years, while, unknown to him, the woman he was frakking was subtlely frakking all of humanity by adding an exploit to the Command Navigation Program, the flight operating system software for the Colonial Fleet that now had more had more backdoors than a ACT UP-sponsored Jello Wrestling Contest for young sweaty boys 18 and over.
It is worth noting that while Baltar frakked the hottest skin-job in the toaster fleet for two years, he never actually learned her name. Or maybe he just didn't bother to remember it, this is the Narcissist-in-Chief we're talking about here...
The Big Surprise
True to form, when the blonde admits to being a new kind of Cylon, Baltar doesn't believe it since the sex he had with her was way too hot to come from anything he knew could program. Baltar was soon convinced by the multiple flashy things on the distant horizon called nuclear explosions. Baltar immediately initiated his own built-in subroutine (COVERMYASS.EXE) while trying to figure out how not to become one with the universe (and everything else) at 10,000 degrees. Luckily for him, the hot chick (Number Six, she calls herself) protects Baltar for more frakolicious action in later episodes by (*sniff*) sacrificing her own incredible, lithe, curvy, didn't-you-see-her-in-Gods-frakkin'-Playboy-for-frak's-sake? body to save Baltar's scrawny butt.
Luckly for viewers (and Baltar's schlong) she has a few spare bodies left for him to poke.
Our Lord and Savior
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