Baltar's schlong

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Baltar's schlong is a weapon of mass destruction.

It's responsible for various crimes against humanity, all of which pertain to its use on, in or around Caprica-Six or her sisters.

Crimes

  • While Caprica-Six is accepting the schlong in her backdoor, she's also adding backdoors to Baltar's version of Windows, allowing Cylons to toast the Colonies (Miniseries, Night 1).
  • It leads to Baltar freeing Gina, allowing her to kill Helena Cain (Resurrection Ship, Part II). Later, Gina leads a peace movement along with goatee-less Comic Book Guy. To vie for her affections, Baltar gives her a nuclear warhead (Epiphanies)!
  • The schlong later makes its way into Gina. Although she's a psychological mess and, after the experience of the schlong, leads to a climax that destroys Cloud 9 (Lay Down Your Burdens, Part II). This leads to the Cylon occupation of New Caprica as they could not but notice the mess it left behind.
  • Later, the schlong is responsible for a hawt threesome between Three and Caprica-Six. The consequence of the schlong results in the boxing of all Threes by a crotchety frak.
  • Filled Tracey Anne with "God's presence". Virtual Six instigates this, by the way, and she likely watches... very pervy if you ask us.

Additional non-Six crimes

  • Many Lee/Kara worshipers are pissed as the schlong made its way into Kara as well (Kobol's Last Gleaming, Part I). Ironically, this leads to Kara going back to Caprica and killing a Six. Ta-da.
  • Ordered by Saul Tigh, Tory Foster has her fill of "God's presence" in an attempt to get him to spill what he knows about the Final Five.